


Growth

by carpethefanfics



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A little NSFW towards to end, Angst, Eventual Fluff, Eventual relationship, Just an inkling, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Pining, Short Drabble, but nothing major, jily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-26 16:54:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9912164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpethefanfics/pseuds/carpethefanfics
Summary: And Lily could see that that wasn’t the question to ask. Because nothing had happened. James was still James. Arrogance had just become confidence. He had grown.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A short little piece of jily fluff.
> 
> Enjoy.

  * _So he’s moving on_
  * Because she doesn’t want this
  * And he can see it on her face that he’s driving her up the wall
  * He’s noticed it for years
  * Thought the eye-rolling and the brushing him off was funny at first
  * Adorable even
  * When her cheeks went pink and her eyes flared and her lips spewed fire
  * It was their _thing_
  * The arguing and the yelling and the shoving
  * But now it stings when she does it
  * When she rolls her eyes 
  * When she leaves the room because he’s there
  * The look on her face is not the one he hoped to bring out
  * And he knows she doesn’t realize just how much it pains him now
  * He hadn’t even known how much it pained him
  * Just how deeply it cut 
  * But that’s how he knew it was real for him
  * Much more than a stupid crush
  * He had fallen for **her**
  * Actually, genuinely, unequivocally 
  * Head over heels
  * And that doesn’t make it hurt any less
  * The love doesn’t stop the ache
  * Because those eyes shouldn’t read disdain
  * And she shouldn’t want to pull back from him when he’s trying so hard not to be who he was
  * When he’s trying to show her he’s not those bad things he knows she’s thinking
  * But she does think them
  * Because she doesn’t trust him
  * She doesn’t even like him
  * And it’s **painful**
  * _Oh god it’s so painful_ ****
  * His heart’s in his stomach
  * And it’s cracking and it’s crumbling
  * _So he pulls back_
  * Talks to her less
  * Keeps the shoulder brushes and his fiddling fingers locked tightly in place
  * Because he’s done
  * Done trying to prove he isn’t horrible just so that she’ll see
  * Done trying to show her that he was stupid and eleven and it’s not an excuse but it’s a reason
  * A reason he understands now
  * A reason he’s become who he finally wanted to be 
  * It took him all summer break to learn that the Lily Evans he loves could never fall for a him when all he does is try to show her who he isn’t
  * This Lily Evans is better than that
  * Worth more than that
  * _So he stops_
  * He comes back to school knowing that he can’t be that person anymore
  * Comes back from nights mulling this over in his head
  * Staring at the roof of his room trying not to picture emerald green eyes
  * Tossing and turning and trying to explain to Sirius that the ache in his gut and the pain in his heart need to _go_
  * He doesn’t want to be thinking about her eloquent wit and lovely smile and knowing that maybe it just wasn’t meant to be
  * Because maybe it wasn’t
  * _Lily Evans_
  * _James Potter_
  * _Destined to dance around one another_ ****
  * That’s what everyone had said
  * And James had felt his heart flutter at the mystical thoughts that the universe had a plan for them
  * A plan to draw them together
  * **But now**
  * Now he can really see what they meant
  * It wasn’t romantic, it isn’t romantic 
  * To be destined to dance around one another really meant that he was destined to dance around her
  * The beams that shone from her too bright and too hot
  * Keeping him away
  * Keeping him just far enough that he could see her
  * But never feel her
  * It was his first heart break 
  * And she didn’t even know what she had truly done to him
  * _So he quit_
  * He walked onto the platform that day with his jean jacket undone
  * And his hair its usual mess
  * And his glasses sliding down the slope of his nose
  * And his luggage in hand
  * But his back a little straighter
  * His heart a little lighter
  * Because he didn’t have to worry about Lily Evans
  * Didn’t have to wonder if he could catch her eye
  * If she would sit next to him in his compartment and talk about their summers and laugh with his friends
  * He didn’t have to worry what she would think
  * Or what he would even say
  * He wasn’t going to force it 
  * He was going to let it flow
  * **Be courteous, be sweet, be kind**
  * _It was what his mother always said_
  * Be someone not for the sake of another, but for the sake of yourself
  * Hold you head high not so that they can see your strength
  * Or your wealth
  * Or your power
  * Hold your head high because you’ll have the best view
  * The best view to see those who _need you_
  * See those who feel stuck in this world, those who feel dark in this world
  * You do not need to rise above anyone
  * Just rise above yourself
  * And that’s what he did
  * He boarded the train with nothing more than a curt nod and a humble smile for Lily Evans
  * Her prefect badge pinned shiny and new to her clean pressed robes
  * Her eyes on him as he walked past
  * As he refused to stay and badger her
  * And that’s how it went for them
  * _The whole year_
  * James Potter and his soft smiles and his intelligent banter
  * James Potter and his cheeky words and fingers running through his hair
  * Protectively standing in front of his friends
  * Stopping ignorant words and harmful sneers
  * Taking his place in this war before the place was even set for him
  * It had Lily **mesmerized**
  * And everyone around her couldn’t believe it 
  * Because the pranks were funnier
  * And James’ smile was bigger
  * And the light around him seemed brighter
  * And he had her heart in palpitations every time he walked by
  * And a blush forming on her cheeks with the simplest phrase
  * Everyone was asking _what had happened to James Potter_
  * And Lily could see that that wasn’t the question to ask
  * Because nothing had happened
  * James was still James
  * Arrogance had just become confidence
  * He had **grown**
  * And she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the sight
  * Couldn’t stop the feeling in her chest that was growing
  * _He was exactly who he was meant to be now_
  * Exactly the kind of man, the kind of _person_ , that she had always known he could be
  * _So she started with the new year_
  * Spent the summer hoping for a fresh star
  * A fresh start with James
  * And the **first** day was kind words
  * _‘Lovely game James’_
  * _‘Funny prank James’_
  * The **second** , resting her palm against his arm
  * _‘Maybe you could help me sometime’_
  * _‘Thanks for everything today’_
  * The **third** , smiling
  * Across the common room, across the Great Hall, across courtyards
  * And everything grew
  * She bit her lower lip whenever he leaned in too close
  * Rolled her eyes whenever they’d been stuck in the Heads office for hours and Lily could feel herself getting loopy and James’ tie was undone and her cardigan was in a pile on the ground 
  * And before she knew it, it wasn’t the fire that was making her skin hot
  * It was his hands resting hesitantly on her thighs
  * And her hand tingling as it rested against his neck
  * The ends of his messy black curls gracefully brushing against her fingers
  * And his eyes were so dark, so warm
  * The glow from the room not nearly as bright as the one on his face
  * _‘James’_
  * The only word she needed to say to know
  * James Potter, **this** James Potter, was hers
  * _So they began_



**Author's Note:**

> http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/156700810822/growth


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